If I Could Talk to the Humans Lyrics

If I could talk to the humans If they could hear the words I'm usin' I would always know that they would understand If I could talk to the humans We could chat while I was groomin' And the little things in life would be so grand We'd talk about philosophy and the weather Or just how itchy it feels inside this sweater I'd say "Have you read the latest book? And by the way, I'd rather have the dry food in my bowl today!" We could gossip about the neighbor's naughty cat I could say "Your hair is messy, put on a hat." (Yeah, like, it'd help them, right?) If we could talk to our owners, we'd get to tell All the things they're doing wrong or not so well You're about to use the salt instead of sugar! Wipe your nose, you've got a hanging booger! I know you think the guy at the door is a mailman But I can smell him, and it's a salesman! If we could talk to the humans If they could hear the words we're using Just think how much we'd laugh about all day If we could talk to the humans There'd be no more presuming What they think we're trying to do or feel or say I would sa-a-a-y... (Your mechanical wax is lovely today.)